Tuesday, June 27, 2006

This is Mobile ESPN!!!

And it is failing so fast only a former propaganda officer of the USSR under one of Stalin's "Five Year Plans" could justify keeping it in business.

Why do I hate Mobile ESPN so much? Basically because the commercials have been so incredibly insulting and contemptuous of people who watch ESPN.

Look, I sometimes still watch Sportscenter. Why am I so offended by the odious commercials? Because look at the "everyman" ESPN has chosen to represent you, the viewer of their sainted channel. This guy is a total loser in every possible sense of the word. He sucks up to the anchors, asking if they've seen his tape. He seems to be stalking the network in general, with the security guards reminding him that he has to keep a distance from the entrance. Is a restraining order involved?

Am I supposed to identify with this guy so much that I, too, will rush out and get Mobile ESPN? I, too, worship the ground upon which Stuart Scott walks? Am I supposed to believe that Kenny Mayne reading off a teleprompter gives me some unique insight into the world of sports? Am I, too, a pathetic loser with no life outside of the shrine in Bristol, CT? Apparently, if I am, I should rush out and subscribe to Mobile ESPN!!! It's as if the network is flaunting their contempt for us in this commercial.

Look, if they wanted to really sell their target demographic, they would show bored employees in a meeting with the boss droning on and on about synergy. One employee is struggling to keep awake, while the other (cooler) one covertly checks out the scores and stats on this ESPN Mobile network. Or two buddies are fishing, and one displays his awesome knowledge of current events in the world of sports which he just called up on his ESPN Mobile. Or best of all, the wife insists on watching the latest "Lifetime" movie about a woman who repressed the memory of her father scolding the family dog or something. He agrees, to her obvious delight, but he slyly keeps up with the Eagles game on ESPN Mobile. Would that be so hard?


At 10:54 PM, Blogger Chris said...

they even got Gammons to do a spot


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